Tonight was THE NIGHT.
I am speaking about none other than the Easter Vigil - the "marathon" liturgy at dusk. Attending the Vigil is among the most awe-inspiring and affirming experiences... And it happens every year!
Seeing the priests at Mass tonight was incredible - the looks on their faces show that this truly is the greatest celebration in the Church. So joyful, so relaxed... Masses at Christmastime, the priests never look this easygoing and cheery. In fact, all of the parishioners, in general, seemed much more at ease, very welcoming... almost excited! The beauty of the close-knit, hardy, and faithfully-involved section of our Parish community!
On this particular occasion I had a lot of intriguing thoughts regarding my particular vocation. Even among the kind and cheerful parishioners, I felt so alone. This was the fourth or fifth time that I'd ever been to the Vigil, the last three times of which I've gone without my family and tonight was, if I recall correctly, the first time when I did not sit with friends or a woman with whom I was romantically involved.
I felt very strongly that I needed a companion there to share the grand celebration of the Eucharist. I felt very strongly that, in the future, I will need a companion for this... And seeing all the happy couples and all the cute little kids in their baptismal dresses and suits did nothing to quell these feelings!
Well, that's enough sap for now!
Aw yeah it's all I know
This empty road
Keeps me lookin'
For a place in your heart
-- Empty Road by Matthew Good
Keeps me searchin' for that Heart of Gold
-- Heart of Gold by Neil Young
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3 comments:
this year was my first easter alone. completely so. millions of miles away from family and friends and surrounded by people who don't share my beliefs, or that i am not comfortable sharing my beliefs with yet.
and yet, early this morning, i pulled myself out of bed and walked on over to church. sat down by myself and enjoyed the mass. its odd but i almost like mass better by myself. it lets , me focus on what i need to be focused on and that's God and my relationship with him.
so sir, don't think of it as being alone. think of it as some quality one on one time with God. and we could all use a little more of that, non?
HAPPY EASTER!
i agree to the above comment wholeheartedly.
and this blog was once again, awesome in providing the lexicon to emotional desires we all experience from time to time.
holidays can be extra salient for those who are single because they are meant to celebrate family, love, and relational wholeness. somehow, if you don't have a "significant other," for some reason, it feels like we are lacking something special to celebrate, our true romantic love.
one more thought.
i once read that we naturally yearn for romance because in an ideal, loving relationship, we are drawn to the fact that we are experiencing grace in its fullness. the one we love accepts us for who we are, and shows us God's grace in a human form.
sometimes it helps me to remind myself that the pining is natural, and it actually acts as a compass that points to wanting more of God.
Just responding to your comment on my blog... we weren't all over Earth Hour as an event for CUSE, but as individuals I think we did it. Reading by candle-light for an hour was actually quite cool. It felt beneficial to shut off some of the electronic noise around me all the time.
It was also quite an affirming feeling to look across the street to the other complexes at 9 p.m. and see the lights coming back on in other observers' apartments.
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