Spirit Road

Spirit Road
Originally uploaded by Mattlong.

Well, life's a crazy trail sometimes, isn't it?

Lately I've found myself reading a lot of the classics: just finished Anne of Green Gables and curiously I'm in the middle of Heart of Darkness... I've got Machiavelli's The Prince on deck...

Reading Anne has really made me realize where I stand in life. "Watching" her grow up so fast as I flipped the pages of that book made me think of how the same has happened to me. I've grown a lot, finished school, started a career... and I feel time and time again that I'm faced with a choice of epic proportions and of gravest consequence.

I've felt challenged by myself lately.
I've felt terribly hypocritical.
I've been dragging my feet.

I've felt nauseous over it. Well, not quite, but I think that's the best I can describe it. Lost would be another word, I suppose. It's a very strange feeling, nonetheless, knowing that I've come such a long way... such a long ways away. It's strange to feel so much and yet act on so little, to let time kind of roll over me and not really try to make sense of it.

It's incredibly foolish to know what I know about myself and let things happen the way that they are.

As Neil says, "there's... a spirit road that [I] must find," I feel that there is a lot of truth in the statement. And I have a feeling that road is winding through my memories of myself from days gone by. There is a friendlier, smarter, more compassionate person in there somewhere...

I don't know what I did to steer him wrong.